I took my IPPT on Tuesday morning. I achieved my gold.
I was supposed to be happy. Supposed to be excited.
Truth is. After my ippt I was sent to the medical centre and got iv by the medics. Doctor subsequently granted me 2 days of medical leave.
I was angry and very weak. Physically and mentally. I couldn’t understand why i pushed myself so hard for the gold when i know my body was in no condition to be running at that pace. About a month ago I was down with a very bad infection in my throat and doctor advised me to not run for a month due to the fact that I cannot breathe properly and it’s a danger to myself.
But I still took ippt.
My dad found out about me going to medical centre. And for the first time in a very long time scolded me.
“why are you doing this to yourself? Is it worth it? Is this what you want?”
I cried.
Which made me think of the actual reason that I chose this path. Is this what I want? For ranking? For progression? For office politics? For other people? The joy of work is different. And has been for a few months now.
I need support. Real support. And I need time.
God have mercy on my broken soul.
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