I was angry and very weak. Physically and mentally. I couldn’t understand why i pushed myself so hard for the gold when i know my body was in no condition to be running at that pace. About a month ago I was down with a very bad infection in my throat and doctor advised me to not run for a month due to the fact that I cannot breathe properly and it’s a danger to myself.

But I still took ippt.

My dad found out about me going to medical centre. And for the first time in a very long time scolded me.

“why are you doing this to yourself? Is it worth it? Is this what you want?”
I cried.

Which made me think of the actual reason that I chose this path. Is this what I want? For ranking? For progression? For office politics? For other people? The joy of work is different. And has been for a few months now.

I need support. Real support. And I need time.

God have mercy on my broken soul.

Been quite a long time since I updated my blog actually… Not very proud of it… Imagine paying for a server which I hardly use lol… Sorry Felix.. I’m doing my Best… And the only reason I am choosing to update now is because I had a wonderful week!!!

My work week ended early on Thursday afternoon as I was on overseas leave on Friday till Sunday night (which technically is tonight). First on the list was a out of no where gathering with the brothers whom I shared so much time together during last mono… Minus fker Warrioe because he didn’t put in effort to inform me… It was a stroke of luck really…

I initially wanted to meet John and chris and Joshua on friday night… So I texted John on Wednesday afternoon and to my horror he told me we have a gathering on Thursday night.. And smart Warrioe is planning it… And he can still give the “I don’t have your number” excuse.. Come on.. You are on Facebook and we all know Facebook have contact list which have our emails and numbers… Dumbass Warrioe…

So we met up at city hall station and headed to a new York new York as it was one of the only few place that can fit us all… Almost 20 of us turned up… Shock… Dinner was good… (thanks Warrioe) oh by the way if anyone want to buy/sell/rent house should drop me a mail for his contact…

Then seeing that it was quite early and us being not alcoholic we went to some pub where the waiters were dressed up as maids… (Not the ph home helper type) and they were quite nice to us as it was way pass happy hour but still offered us the happy and cheap(but still ex) price.. Talked and laughed and compared jobs… Damn… Lol… But happy times never last next we know a group of us who have to work headed back… While the others headed down to some events at supper club…

Friday was more eventful.. Wrote a total of 3 complain e-mails to singtel and starhub and late afternoon I went to dempsy road for a experience of a lifetime… Not gonna elaborate… But damn it’s more painful then route march… Following that was a drink (yes again) at yellow jello which suck the music suck so much it make sense for darling to listen to her own songs on her iPhone…. But you know… As the alcohol level increases, the pleasure level rise too… Got a massive headache the next day…

Saturday… Woke up… Went to bishan j8 to buy the external 1.8m charger for iPad… At the shop the assistant is like so fked up trying so hard to scam money from me.. “excuse me do you have iPad external charger?” sorry don’t have. I turned to the male assistant. “hello I am looking for external charger for iPad.” this way sir… And I was like WTF?? Why can’t the first assistant just direct me there? So after asking the female assistant to take over my case I ask her how long is the charger and she gave me the look and answer that all is the same 1m. And I have to ask her to check like 3 times before the same guy told her that it’s actually 1.8m.. And the other one is like 1m and Both are the same priced… So before my pissed ass left I gave her a nice written feedback saying this:” don’t assume.. If you are not interested please quit.”

Yup.. Went back home and started to touch what my gf termed as part time gf aka PS3… Started on a new game.. New to me at least… It’s METAL GEAR SOLID 4!!!! Yeah!!!! The control need some time to work it out but I think overall it’s wonderful.. Which brings to me clearly I need another hdmi cable.. And A proper one.. And sadly the cheapest is at simlim which is far. Damn ass marked up price in the heartlands.. Buy 2 at my area I can buy like 5 at simlim…

Dinner was which my dad and he had a go at iPad… And says he don’t like it cause it cannot plays his horse racing videos which is in .wmv format… Lol.. If only it can play then it will be perfect for him.. He surfs web and iPad is able to do handwriting recognition tsk lol…

Sunday morning… Woke up and headed to gym with darling.. Warmed up the body by doing a 3km run and loads of chin up until I couldn’t even pull a single one at the end of the sets. Tense.. My body have been sick for quite sometime…. Even I’m confused… And medications from MO don’t really help at all.. So yeah… It was good to sweat… But I doubt I’m ready to hit 944 after not running at that type of pace for a month… God bless..

Watched hangover after breakfast.. It’s funny… And it’s abit screw up lol… What a week..

Will go full blast into BMT intake next week… Finally able to touch weapons… Recruits honeymoon over!!!!!

Weizhan

It’s like given and subsidized by Amanda weeeee….

So i am here.. in my room… typing this via my screen cracked ipod… and yes. sick like bird.

been wondering why on earth am i still keeping this not updated blog. i guess its still good to have a place where i can officially complain and nag and talk to whoever that stumbles upon this webpage. so hi. welcome to my world.

actually got nothing much to talk about too… last week was a erm… simple week… in fact… my job has become so simple that it makes me sick. lol… humans are always like that… when busy we complain no time. when free we complain nothing to do…

So i went to see the doctor just now.. and wow doctor see that im still alive and walking gave me 2 days MC from monday. now i finally get to rest properly…

Was also playing random songs on my ipod.. that reminded me why those songs are still in my ipod…

I still love listening to Chinese Songs.
just that Lady Gaga is so much more catchy
and if a song keep repeating over and over again in my head…
guess you also cannot help but listen to it right? lol…

Was at class gathering yesterday at city hall… good that most of them have finish their service… their talk transit from NS to school. which i must admit.. i am terribly jealous. but hey… blame who? who ask me to not put in effort in poly ahhaha.. well.. truth be told… if i ever have a chance to go back in time… ill still do the same LOL. well.. im just me.

Same thing applies at work too.. i seriously couldn’t care less if im rank last for the things ive done… coz strangely last year i came in first just by being me. so yeah… dont have to come and tell me that this time i am going up against some colleagues whom i never met and always came in first at courses. seriously?

I DONT CARE.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH… im me. memememememememememe.

and nothing you people do will change mememememememememe.

its a simple logic.

i came to realized there is actually no reason why we cannot settle things by talking.. and telling… and nagging… in the past.. we always think that being loud we can get the points clear and direct. but somehow as the days goes by. even without raising our voice things still can be done.

think of it as a 2 way traffic. one talk, the other listen. not 2 talk the louder win.

i actually took so long to understand this.

i am growing. and looking at the rest of the guys ORD today. make me realize once again that i should grow more. and do less of the fked up things. wow. whether he will see this or not i want to apologize to someone for the thing i did yesterday night. yeah it was fked up. Sorry bro.

So.. with that.. life goes on and

To be honest, I prefer rain over sun, cold over warm.. But of coz it only applies when I’m not working.. Hahaha…

They say that environment can shape and change a persons feeling, mood and thoughts… Add in the correct music in the back ground… Guess I couldn’t disagree to that..

I’ve been thinking.. Maybe I am feeling like this just because I donnno what to expect.. Donnno what is coming.. Fear?more like confused..

Need motivation. Need support.. Need people who care..

The lack of all these… Has slowly began a slight rain internally in my heart and mind.. Surrounding me.. And I’m slowly giving in..

Yesterday was SOC test.. Yup I clocked my personal best at 8:26.. Am I fit? No.. Because even after 30 minutes from end of the test my heart rate didn’t return to rest..

Knowing myself I dragged my body towards the medical center bleh… Measured bp and heart rate and donnno what vo2 turns out to be still at 100%..

Doctor say it’s exhaustion.. Wow… Must use this final weekend to rest…

Adjustment week coming! Let’s have fun recruits…

Yes yes yes I know all are concern about me and my path and how I will move.. But can you all really put yourself in my shoe and look at the things from my side?

I thought if it alot before I even want to try to talk to you people. So why be so judgemental?

Stupid personal quote of the week: “So What?”

Been thinking alot in my small brain.. On alot of stuff.. And no answer to anything yet…

Then I realized.. Maybe it’s because I’m too comfortable with my current life.. Thou not perfect but yet bearable…

The fear of stepping out of my confort zone.. I feel so weak. But I think give me a while more and I’ll be ok.

As my saying goes.

I don’t wanna look back and regret on the things that I could and wanted to but didn’t..

My Life goes on…

What about you?

Happy ORD to all my brothers and friends!! Especially those that have worked with me for quite some time..

The truth is.. I’m feeling bloody sad and emotional lol.. But hey.. All good things must come to an end…

The memories we have in school, local and overseas will always follow me. Keep in touch!

Ang

Surprised that people actually remember each other as if it was yesterday…

The hall, which I spent countless time with my friends either during assembly, pt or Npcc camps…

The people, who played a big part in my growing up. Made me rather emotional yesterday…

Of people who drifted apart due to various reasons.. All that threw to the back of our mind and the focus was one thing.. To see each other again and interact… Be it for one last time…

People changed… Imagine the classmates that was with me 9 years ago.. How we look then and now… One word.. Wow. Our teachers? Only a few changed.. Well technically they are already adult when we first saw them but us? From 12 yrs old to 22… Big difference..

Change is a good thing… Change is part of growth.. But we must remember one thing.. That we must not forget our roots.. And the people who made us us…

I thank all those who were part of my memories… Whether you like it or not it doesn’t matter.. But.. Thank you.

I didn’t get to see someone that I would like to see hahahhahaha damn…